so much for trying.

i did not sleep.
i even went to study with them at mac at lyk wht,
FOUR THIRTY A.M?

i did wht i could.
i tried as much as i could.
i really did.
when i was so out of energy,
i did try to keep myself awake.

but during the exam,
it all came crashing down.
wht was i doing?
i opened my eyes,
to realise that i fell asleep unconsciously.
i read wht i wrote,
it was all crap.
wht i tried so hard to rmbr
and wht i couldnt absorb anymore.
nth came out on wht i managed to rmbr.
but all on wht i could nvr absorb.

its just hopeless, isnt it?
whts the difference, when i try
and when i dunt?
all i get is still a fail.

--

jas and i broke down outside 3n2 lah.
she didnt manage to complete some questions
which were worth alot of marks.
..while i, .......wht more can be said?

i didnt feel lyk going for pm.
im all outta faith.
whts all that about praying and recieving?
and trying my best too.
i prayed. i tried my best.
i NVR recieved.
but somehow, i just found myself at the pm in the end.

teared so many fucking tyms during the pm.
before the om started.
when it had started.
during worship.
during prayer.
whtevr. i just cant take it.
i dunt know how to explain it all.
words cant fully describe everything.

i wanted to sleep so badly.
i was so tired and worn out.
it was all so wasted.
i should nvr tried.
then i wouldnt have been suffering
yet having hope in myself
but being disappointed in the end.
feeling hopeless. feeling lyk. wtflahnvm.

then in the end, i still fell asleep.
but i felt all better alrdy after i woke up.

--

wht can i do now?
im left with art and english.
my geog's dead.
iv nth else left.
im prepared.
so very prepared.
goodbye swiss cottage


--


we talked. i nvr though we'd talked again.
i swore to my boobs id nvr talk to you again.
i swore to my arse id nvr befriend you again.
but i guess the situation's turning around now.
-speechless.

--

i feel hopeless.
theres so much more i have to say.
there are just not enough words to explain it all.

perhaps some pain which would bring pleasure
perhaps some blood which would unlock tears
perhaps some wounds which would heal my hurt